03 January, 2008

Random Thoughts

El hamdulelah, I am back, think inshaa allah will be writing my thoughts about the journey it self, but the thing that strikes me the most and is getting me back on the keyboard again after almost a week of sheer laziness in bed is how people perceive people who came from hij.

The first shocking impression when I met some female friends, the first question they asked, do u still shake hands with women???!!!! Other more interesting questions include think you will stop going to the movies, you wont be watching TV anymore, you will spend less time online and will I start dropping certain people from my life.

I am sure the journey of hij is very special, and it touches the lives of everyone who ventured into it in a special way.
Some may be touched in experiencing closeness to Allah in a special way, others may reflect on their view of life or their relation with others, some others may not feel anything but without knowing they may turn out to be the ones who truly changed. And others just fake the change.

A friend told me she benefited from the hij that she started talking to Allah more. Others made promises in the most sacred places that they will stop doing bad things and be better humans and muslims.

I started thinking how Hij has touched me, yes I did have my moments of spirituality and feeling close to Allah. But the thing that touched me the most is the change inside me regarding the ego part.

Don’t know how to describe it, but the way how u look to yourself and value it, the way how you stereotype yourself and set limits of what you can and cant do. This part of me was redefined.

i slept in the street, covered by rags, I felt really hungry and thirsty but couldn’t find food or water despite having lots of money and despite me being who I am. People did feel pity for me and shared the little food and water they had with me. Slept in a sleeping bag near a toilette with water all around me and a man I don’t even know his name or who he were came, let me sleep in his spot and he tugged himself between the feet of other sleepers. Total strangers took my hands and led the way and I trusted them, giving me a hand and pulling me away from harms way.

Made extraordinary friend ship with people I don’t know their names or language and when it was bye-bye time tears came flowing with a hope to meet again probably in the after life.

Interesting part was letting go, cause I couldn’t control anything, my worst fears did come true, but only to show me they weren’t my worst fears and despite occurring things still turned out to be great.

Took important decisions about my life, and I am not afraid and inshaa Allah will follow them through, cause my worst fears turned out to be nothing.

I did pray a lot for a lot of people, for people I don’t know their names remembered the strangest people and prayed for them, I prayed for Egypt and Germany, just cause a friend of mine asked me to do so.

For the ones reading this, most probably I prayed for you, so pls pray back for mercy and strength.


this picture was taken in the early hours of Arafa people moving form Mena to Arafa, this picture and no words can describe the glory of such moment.

8 comments:

nourita said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
nourita said...

The post is so powerful because of its sincerity

I like this part “Took important decisions about my life, and I am not afraid and inshaa Allah will follow them through, cause my worst fears turned out to be nothing.”

Thanks for sharing this wonderful experience :)

Anonymous said...

This is very touching... حج مبرور و ربنا يتقبل

River Nael said...

The questions you were asked upon your return are very revealing. They primarily shed lead on the popular perceptions of religion, many of which are certainly born of the cultural context but nevertheless sacredly associated with Islam.
River Nael

Eman said...

How serine, u made m efeel like m there,
ربنا يتقبل منكم و منا
و يتمها عليك بالمغفرة و الهداية يا رب العالمين
آمين

Jade said...

Welcome back & Taqabal Allah...
What a beautiful post & your words are so heartfelt & makes me pray for everyone (including myself) to have the Honour of performing Hajj one day...

I hope you find peace in yourself...
God Bless You...

Miss Egyptiana "Trapped Soul" said...

i love this post ... specially the part about redefine your inner self and ego

in such a place nothing matter but building a communication channel with alah ... nothing has a value but the purity inside that float to meet our creator

god bless you we ya rab yektebhalak tany ensha alah ... we yektebhali 3ashan wa7ashetny awe

Brownie said...

mashaa Allah
begad so beautiful..takbal Allah