23 June, 2007

The uncharming experimenting their charm

A fellow blogger posted this in her blog quite some time ago, I am just commenting on it.
I felt I was being described in it, I am normal, bold and fat and not on the flashy side of life. Yet I care very much for my friends keen to give presents, stay in touch and checking on them at least weekly despite the fast rhythm of life.

The tricky thing starts when a female is involved, for me it is like walking on thin ice, don’t know when it will crack and I just fall in icy water.

Everything becomes so touchy, birthday presents, phone calls, requests issues being discussed. Friends do exist to make us feel special to fill the gap between family and a husband/wife.

Personally I categorize people I know into two categories. My friends and the others. The others usually see me as an unconsidered cold person who doesn’t even care to say hi. And my friends respect me as despite several flows in me I always remain loyal.

When a female friend is involved I cant be my self, always afraid of sending the wrong signals or the ones I am sending to be misinterpreted. Birthday gifts never buy it alone, and when I really have no other choice the almost impossible task of choosing a gift that isn’t “personal” and a card that doesn’t have the word love or hearts on it. Phone calls to be with a clear reason not just for checking and in discussions to avoid the heart felt talk. Which will puts me again in the cold unconsidered category.

All this makes my hearts aches and my relation with the fairer sex limited to ones who truly understand me and we go a long way back.
Fa think the poor gents aren’t experimenting their charm but rather put their guards down and got comfortable in a relation

""""""Let’s be honest, as girls get older their expectations and requirements for their expected lifetime partner diminish a bit.Three years ago, a friend of mine advised me not to wait so long for “the one” and told me about her sister who was literally seeking perfection and then married a guy who represented the entire opposite of what she was looking for … he was bald, fat, not rich…don’t remember what else but she loved him.For me that’s what love is… you don’t have a specific reason to have feelings for that specific person, it’s far beyond appearance, differences and perception. Suddenly an ordinary person becomes so special and at a certain point in time you just know he is “the one”. Unfortunately that doesn’t happen a lot in reality.The more realistic approach is when you see a person that may not be so attractive, or exactly what you had in mind but it’s just you can see him as a father, as a family member, someone you can rely on… you talk yourself into him. As you are sure that those gorgeous guys won’t come at your door and ask for your hand in marriage, and eventually will be trapped by one of those …. girls. (by gorgeous… I mean the combination of brains, character, looks, charisma, career, manners, …)Back to Mr. Ordinary guy… you try to get to know that person, talk and exchange thoughts, things apparently seem to be working out… since he calls nearly everyday, he worries when you disappear for a while, he says things like miss you, when can I see you and stuff, he likes to share with you details of his life and trusts you… and one day he just says it…”You know how important you are to me, you are … you are…” you begin to feel flattered and confused thinking about what you are going to say in return, then it hits you “you are a dear FRIEND” what???????????Yes that’s the new “F” word.Don’t get me wrong… I know that sometimes you meet a good person and you really like him but not to the extent of love so he becomes a good friend or colleague or and that’s ok. As long as there wasn’t any attempt to mislead that person.That isn’t personal … but believe me girls sometimes cut it short because they are thinking about a serious thing while guys are experimenting their charm … and they aren’t even charming Guys, no offense but please act as gentlemen. Girls aren’t seeking serious relationships because they are needy or vulnerable, some are much better off being single, it’s just they are respectful enough to only consider formal commitments."""""


nourita said...

“When a female friend is involved I cant be my self, always afraid of sending the wrong signals or the ones I am sending to be misinterpreted”

It is funny! Because I have been described, but a female!

Personally, when I’m dealing a male colleague, friend…whatever I ‘m always afraid of misunderstanding & confusion…really find it hard to be just myself and react in a normal way

Because in the story I’m just the female & he is the male, and because in our society a man has the label of being the male, the power, the pretentiousness
For him he is to be run after, all what he has to do is to pick the most suitable one…
Funny to see in your single male colleague eye’s
how you’ve been seized …your clothes, your way of walking, your way of treating others…

That’s the main reason why I have never succeeded in keeping a male as a dear close friend,
It always starts as a friendship and end sth else:
Before wearing the veil , it was "I like you and I want to date u"
And after wearing the veil, "it is you are a well person and I thought abt it seriously and want to marry u!"

nesrina said...

Don't u think that what u do is pointing to the other extreme.
There is a mid way between misleading people and act as if they are so special while they aren't and being cold.
Interesting honest comment, but I personally thin u should let go a little.

Miss Egyptiana "Trapped Soul" said...

A very interesting issue dear, as we truly face it in our daily life... it is rare to find a male-female freindship cause mostly the good feelings are misunderstood

it is mainly the outcome of the way a man-woman relationship is seen... and the close extra conservative society we live in

i have no male friends, only one, and he is my best ever

any other attempts end with "lets keep it at the friendship level"

u said some are better off single, and i am so... not ready after a hard breakup... why then the fact that i am single, and the fact that i am a caring person by nature is seen as if i am in need for love!!! and todays friend turn into a hero on a white horse who wanna save me from the dark, while i don't need it???

i wish i know

thanks for the post Askandarani, and waiting for more

Anonymous said...

Thank you, that was extremely valuable and interesting...I will be back again to read more on this topic.

Anonymous said...

Hello there,

This is a question for the webmaster/admin here at askandarani75.blogspot.com.

Can I use some of the information from your blog post above if I give a backlink back to your website?


Askandarani said...

john, u r welcome, when u do send me the link

Anonymous said...


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